Why Us?

The following is an excerpt from an article written by Phil Roberts. You can learn more about their story by going to http://www.expandingrobertses.com/. We will be posting more from them in the future as well.

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Why Us?


Why Not Us?

The “Why us?” question never really goes away, as hard as we try to avoid it. And it’s one that has no good answer.

(The futility and subjectivity of the question are even more obvious when we look at the big picture: After all, why did we get to have any kids at all? Why did we get to have four that did survive? Why aren’t we busy right now trying to go to China to adopt a baby from there?)

Maybe a better question is “Why not us?”
Why wouldn’t we experience the heartbreak of losing a child? Why wouldn’t we get to fulfill every previous generation’s expectation that they would have to bury at least one of their children at some point? And why wouldn’t we have something to give to the whole HOM and NICU communities that we wouldn’t possibly be able to give if we had not experienced the pain of losing Emily?

Already her loss has positively impacted more people than we are able to count. No matter what, we would never want to dwell on our loss to the point of losing out on the life that the rest of us have been given. But at the right points along the way, we will continually work and cry and rack our brains and reminisce with her photos and do whatever it takes to keep Emily…from fading out of our family’s memory.

This kind of grieving is the lowest of all the possible low points of the HOM experience.
But somehow this low point is also our family’s greatest privilege.

I am eternally grateful—as much as it hurts—that for nineteen days we got to meet and know and hold and love and celebrate the little girl who is Emily Anne Roberts.

She stands as a reminder of what we had already discovered on our journey as Christians: that God loves us, that He Himself demonstrated that most vividly through the death of His Child, and that sometimes His greatest grace comes to us in ways that we wouldn’t have asked for, and certainly don’t understand, but wouldn’t trade in for the world. In the end, all we really understand is that the day we get to see Jesus for the first time is also the day that we get to see Emily again. And the painful parts will be redeemed on that day.


For right now, her absence, and the place she has in our hearts, somehow make our highest points seem even higher, and make the future seem even brighter. When Ashley says “Hi, Daddy” and when Benjamin and Casey and Danielle flash their chubby-cheeked baby smiles, I know that a part of Emily’s mystery and innocence and legacy is right there with each one of them. And with us.

“Where did you go, baby girl?”
“Not so very far away at all, Mommy and Daddy.”