We had some wonderful sharing at a recent Glory Babies gathering. We don’t expect people to share their experiences, but it is always welcome! One person shared about the recent stillbirth of their daughter, another shared about years of unsuccessful infertility treatments, another shared about repeat miscarriages. Afterwards I heard several comments that made me think about perspective. For example, one person mentioned that while their pain and grief was certainly real and legitimate, it seemed to pale in comparison to what another had experienced. It struck me that each of us naturally think our own journey is uniquely painful – and it is, but not at the exclusion of others having painful journeys as well. It is easy to believe that what another person experiences is more or less tragic than what we have experienced, but I’m not sure we can actually compare these things. Each person’s life, no matter how blessed or easy it may seem, contains at least a few areas of pain, disappointment, or loss. To one struggling to conceive or grieving the loss of a baby, hearing about a mother’s frustrations with her children can be maddening; someone grieving the loss of a spouse can become appalled at the disrespectful attitude another shows toward their living spouse. Yet we all have hard things in our lives. It does not do anyone any good to compare or attempt to measure pain. And what would we really accomplish if we were to somehow determine we have the corner on the pain market? How much better to instead turn to God, trust in His infinite wisdom, timing, provision, and love, pray for those around us who are also struggling, and focus on learning absolutely everything possible through the journey on which we find ourselves. One key of getting “unstuck” in the midst of grief is to look up, begin to accept our reality, and actively seek out the blessings that may currently be hidden. God’s love is constant, even in the midst of life’s turmoil. And ultimately, what more do we need?
Monday, March 8, 2010
Thursday, January 28, 2010
Things aren't always what they seem...or what we expect
We were blessed beyond measure to have special guest Pam share with us this month. While her words were well thought out and put together logically, my notes seem to go many different directions. But I'll do my best to piece together the nuggets she shared:
Our first human response is to take charge and be in control. We need to give ourselves permission to let others help us. We wear many hats as women. Story of when Pam and her family were rear-ended by a drunk driver at a stop sign. Jaws of life were required to pull her out, and extensive therapy was required for her to regain movement. It was a humbling, while horrible experience, yet it was great to learn how to receive help. We should not try to manage emotions on our own, or difficult circumstances. While feelings, and the process of healing, vary from person to person, they remain very similar. We do not have to have identical circumstances with another person before we can walk with them, grieve with them, encourage them, and help them. Nor do they have to have identical experiences to ours before we can receive those same things from them.
So how do we get through hard times? Ecclesiastes 3:1 begins the section on there being a time for everything. We have many seasons of life, and they are rarely bounded by the roughly 3-month time frame as are our Kansas weather seasons. When Pam's mom passed away, that season in Pam's life was over and complete - even though Pam felt it had come too soon. It was at the perfect time from God's eternal perspective.
The more we need God, the more we depend on Him...the more we depend on Him, the more we love Him. Many Christians express wanting to love God more, or wanting to "be" more of the kind of person that is compelled by His love. Yet few people are signing up for needing God more. It is a package deal. God doesn't need my help, just my cooperation. The more we try to help, the more anxious we become. John the Baptist, in John 3:30, said that he needed to decrease so God could increase.
Pam brought with her a picture frame with three pictures inside. The first one was very clear, and you could see for miles. The second was more hazy, and the third almost looked like a picture that had not developed correctly, as it was so dark. She told us that the three pictures were of the exact same location, just taken at different times. Nothing had changed with what was out there from that particular vantage point, just how much the viewer could perceive. There were the same exact things in the third picture as in the first, you just couldn't see them - but that didn't change the fact that they were indeed there. The reality of God does not change, just what we can see of His plan changes in various seasons. He is who He is all the time. What we see, think, feel, or even believe, has no bearing whatsoever on who He is or what He is doing. We cannot define Him by circumstances or visibility.
Linda Dillow, the author of Creative Counterpart and Calm My Anxious Heart, had what Pam called a tea cup theology. To illustrate this concept, Pam brought two coffee cups. One was plain white, nothing fancy. The other was highly decorated and a more fun shape. Each of us has a "cup" given to us by God. One person's cup may look more fulfilled, more blessed, more beautiful or desirable, but we don't have any idea what is actually inside that cup. It may be filthy, filled with despair, or cracked on the inside. It is easy to look at the outside of the cups God has given those around us, and make assumptions as to how much God has chosen to favor those people. But we really have no idea. It is not for us to know or for us to judge. When we focus on God, rather than what our eyes can see, particularly what we see of others, it will be much easier to learn contentment with the exact cup and portion God has chosen to give us.
When Pam's younger daughter had her last miscarriage, it was hard for Pam to see other grandmas at church or out and about holding their new grandbabies. It brought pain. All who have lost babies understand this kind of pain. It seems through the Bible that there are many stories of women desperately desiring to have a child, and it is easy to assume that having a child meant the woman was blessed by God. However, their blessings, as are our blessings, were brought by knowing God and having an intimate relationship with Him.
To experience true peace and joy we have to learn contentment in this exact moment. We need to not put ourselves so much in center stage that we can't see God's power. He is weaving an integrating our paths, but we will miss it if we are so focused on ourselves. Few (if any) people have lives that play out as they'd expected. We are all in need of refining. Walk by faith, not by sight. Fix your eyes on Jesus. Fighting against what God has for us puts us at odds with Him and with ourselves. Surrendering to the Lord does not mean giving up all our hopes and dreams, but rather seeking how to walk in His way for us. It may include fulfillment of those hopes and dreams, or it may not. We won't know until we surrender and walk. As Jesus said on the cross, not my will but Yours be done. We desire to be a fragrant aroma to Christ and others, but we can't do that when we're fighting with Him.
It is not about what we've done wrong or how we are being punished, or how others are blessed - all of those ideas indicate that we're in control...and we're not!! Pam ended her time with us by reading a poem:
As I faced my Maker at the last judgment, I knelt before the Lord along with all the other souls.
Before each of us laid our lives like the squares of a quilt in many piles; an angel sat before each of us sewing our quilt squares together into a tapestry that is our life.
But as my angel took each piece of cloth off the pile, I noticed how ragged and empty each of my squares was. They were filled with giant holes. Each square was labeled with a part of my life that had been difficult, the challenges and temptations I was faced with in every day life. I saw hardships that I endured, which were the largest holes of all.
I glanced around me. Nobody else had such squares. Other than a tiny hole here and there, the other tapestries were filled with rich color and the bright hues of worldly fortune. I gazed upon my own life and was disheartened.
My angel was sewing the ragged pieces of cloth together, threadbare and empty,like binding air.
Finally the time came when each life was to be displayed, held up to the light, the scrutiny of truth. The others rose; each in turn, holding up their tapestries. So filled their lives had been. My angel looked upon me, and nodded for me to rise.
My gaze dropped to the ground in shame.. I hadn't had all the earthly fortunes. I had love in my life, and laughter. But there had also been trials of illness, and wealth, and false accusations that took from me my world, as I knew it. I had to start over many times. I often struggled with the temptation to quit, only to somehow muster the strength to pick up and begin again. I spent many nights on my knees in prayer, asking for help and guidance in my life. I had often been held up to ridicule, which I endured painfully, each time offering it up to the Father in hopes that I would not melt within my skin beneath the judgmental gaze of those who unfairly judged me.
And now, I had to face the truth. My life was what it was, and I had to accept it for what it was.
I rose and slowly lifted the combined squares of my life to the light. An awe-filled gasp filled the air. I gazed around at the others who stared at me with wide eyes. Then, I looked upon the tapestry before me. Light flooded the many holes,creating an image, the face of Christ. Then our Lord stood before me, with warmth and love in His eyes. He said, 'Every time you gave over your life to Me, it became My life, My hardships, and My struggles.
Each point of light in your life is when you stepped aside and let Me shine through, until there was more of Me than there was of you.'
May all our quilts be threadbare and worn, allowing Christ to shine through!
Each of must come to the place where we acknowledge and accept that "my life is what it is." If God was all you had, would it be enough? Your situation has purpose. But it takes courage and trusting in God to wade through the hard times to discover that purpose...and the blessings awaiting you as you grow closer to your Maker.
Our first human response is to take charge and be in control. We need to give ourselves permission to let others help us. We wear many hats as women. Story of when Pam and her family were rear-ended by a drunk driver at a stop sign. Jaws of life were required to pull her out, and extensive therapy was required for her to regain movement. It was a humbling, while horrible experience, yet it was great to learn how to receive help. We should not try to manage emotions on our own, or difficult circumstances. While feelings, and the process of healing, vary from person to person, they remain very similar. We do not have to have identical circumstances with another person before we can walk with them, grieve with them, encourage them, and help them. Nor do they have to have identical experiences to ours before we can receive those same things from them.
So how do we get through hard times? Ecclesiastes 3:1 begins the section on there being a time for everything. We have many seasons of life, and they are rarely bounded by the roughly 3-month time frame as are our Kansas weather seasons. When Pam's mom passed away, that season in Pam's life was over and complete - even though Pam felt it had come too soon. It was at the perfect time from God's eternal perspective.
The more we need God, the more we depend on Him...the more we depend on Him, the more we love Him. Many Christians express wanting to love God more, or wanting to "be" more of the kind of person that is compelled by His love. Yet few people are signing up for needing God more. It is a package deal. God doesn't need my help, just my cooperation. The more we try to help, the more anxious we become. John the Baptist, in John 3:30, said that he needed to decrease so God could increase.
Pam brought with her a picture frame with three pictures inside. The first one was very clear, and you could see for miles. The second was more hazy, and the third almost looked like a picture that had not developed correctly, as it was so dark. She told us that the three pictures were of the exact same location, just taken at different times. Nothing had changed with what was out there from that particular vantage point, just how much the viewer could perceive. There were the same exact things in the third picture as in the first, you just couldn't see them - but that didn't change the fact that they were indeed there. The reality of God does not change, just what we can see of His plan changes in various seasons. He is who He is all the time. What we see, think, feel, or even believe, has no bearing whatsoever on who He is or what He is doing. We cannot define Him by circumstances or visibility.
Linda Dillow, the author of Creative Counterpart and Calm My Anxious Heart, had what Pam called a tea cup theology. To illustrate this concept, Pam brought two coffee cups. One was plain white, nothing fancy. The other was highly decorated and a more fun shape. Each of us has a "cup" given to us by God. One person's cup may look more fulfilled, more blessed, more beautiful or desirable, but we don't have any idea what is actually inside that cup. It may be filthy, filled with despair, or cracked on the inside. It is easy to look at the outside of the cups God has given those around us, and make assumptions as to how much God has chosen to favor those people. But we really have no idea. It is not for us to know or for us to judge. When we focus on God, rather than what our eyes can see, particularly what we see of others, it will be much easier to learn contentment with the exact cup and portion God has chosen to give us.
When Pam's younger daughter had her last miscarriage, it was hard for Pam to see other grandmas at church or out and about holding their new grandbabies. It brought pain. All who have lost babies understand this kind of pain. It seems through the Bible that there are many stories of women desperately desiring to have a child, and it is easy to assume that having a child meant the woman was blessed by God. However, their blessings, as are our blessings, were brought by knowing God and having an intimate relationship with Him.
To experience true peace and joy we have to learn contentment in this exact moment. We need to not put ourselves so much in center stage that we can't see God's power. He is weaving an integrating our paths, but we will miss it if we are so focused on ourselves. Few (if any) people have lives that play out as they'd expected. We are all in need of refining. Walk by faith, not by sight. Fix your eyes on Jesus. Fighting against what God has for us puts us at odds with Him and with ourselves. Surrendering to the Lord does not mean giving up all our hopes and dreams, but rather seeking how to walk in His way for us. It may include fulfillment of those hopes and dreams, or it may not. We won't know until we surrender and walk. As Jesus said on the cross, not my will but Yours be done. We desire to be a fragrant aroma to Christ and others, but we can't do that when we're fighting with Him.
It is not about what we've done wrong or how we are being punished, or how others are blessed - all of those ideas indicate that we're in control...and we're not!! Pam ended her time with us by reading a poem:
As I faced my Maker at the last judgment, I knelt before the Lord along with all the other souls.
Before each of us laid our lives like the squares of a quilt in many piles; an angel sat before each of us sewing our quilt squares together into a tapestry that is our life.
But as my angel took each piece of cloth off the pile, I noticed how ragged and empty each of my squares was. They were filled with giant holes. Each square was labeled with a part of my life that had been difficult, the challenges and temptations I was faced with in every day life. I saw hardships that I endured, which were the largest holes of all.
I glanced around me. Nobody else had such squares. Other than a tiny hole here and there, the other tapestries were filled with rich color and the bright hues of worldly fortune. I gazed upon my own life and was disheartened.
My angel was sewing the ragged pieces of cloth together, threadbare and empty,like binding air.
Finally the time came when each life was to be displayed, held up to the light, the scrutiny of truth. The others rose; each in turn, holding up their tapestries. So filled their lives had been. My angel looked upon me, and nodded for me to rise.
My gaze dropped to the ground in shame.. I hadn't had all the earthly fortunes. I had love in my life, and laughter. But there had also been trials of illness, and wealth, and false accusations that took from me my world, as I knew it. I had to start over many times. I often struggled with the temptation to quit, only to somehow muster the strength to pick up and begin again. I spent many nights on my knees in prayer, asking for help and guidance in my life. I had often been held up to ridicule, which I endured painfully, each time offering it up to the Father in hopes that I would not melt within my skin beneath the judgmental gaze of those who unfairly judged me.
And now, I had to face the truth. My life was what it was, and I had to accept it for what it was.
I rose and slowly lifted the combined squares of my life to the light. An awe-filled gasp filled the air. I gazed around at the others who stared at me with wide eyes. Then, I looked upon the tapestry before me. Light flooded the many holes,creating an image, the face of Christ. Then our Lord stood before me, with warmth and love in His eyes. He said, 'Every time you gave over your life to Me, it became My life, My hardships, and My struggles.
Each point of light in your life is when you stepped aside and let Me shine through, until there was more of Me than there was of you.'
May all our quilts be threadbare and worn, allowing Christ to shine through!
Each of must come to the place where we acknowledge and accept that "my life is what it is." If God was all you had, would it be enough? Your situation has purpose. But it takes courage and trusting in God to wade through the hard times to discover that purpose...and the blessings awaiting you as you grow closer to your Maker.
Friday, December 18, 2009
Is JOY optional this Christmas?
This month's theme is JOY. Joy is central to Christmas, yet can be one of the first things to disappear from our lives when difficult times come. We're going to talk about how to give ourselves permission to have joy without fear of negating the losses we've experienced, and how to put on joy even when we don't feel joy.
1 Chronicles 16:27 Joy is in His dwelling place. We are called to be in His place. If we are in a joyless place, we can be sure we're not dwelling with God.
Joy and happiness are not synonyms. They cannot accurately be used interchangeably. True joy can only be experienced by Christians, as joy is a fruit of the Spirit and a gift from God. Happiness is determined by the happenings in our lives, and can change at a moment's notice. We can be unhappy, disappointed, etc, yet still have joy from God.
Galatians 5:22 Joy is a fruit of th Spirit. Just as we were given love, peace, patience...self control, we were given joy at the time of accepting Christ as our Lord and Savior. We are promised to have joy. But as with the other eight characteristics, we must choose to daily put on that joy, choose to exercise it. For example, we've been given self control, but often choose to eat one more cookie, say the mean thing on the tip of our tongue, etc. Self control must be exercised. Joy also must be exercised. It is a decision whether or not to practice having joy. It's ok that it doesn't feel natural! That's why it is a fruit of the SPIRIT and not a fruit of the flesh.
Ezra 6:22 The Lord filled the people with joy. It reminds me of an example I used at a Bible study years ago. Picture a huge bowl of popcorn, pretzels, nuts, raisins, m&ms, granola, butterscotch chips, etc. If you were handed the bowl, you'd likely pick out your favorite pieces and eat them. But if you were required to finish off the bowl, you'd probably not enjoy the last several handfuls. Imagine that God has a similar bowl containing everything He has chosen and ordained for your life. Each day He carefully and thoughtfully scoops one serving from your bowl and gives it to you. If you could choose what would go in that scoop each day you'd avoid the hard situations, the losses, the disappointment. But then the latter part of your life would be completely miserable and void of any good things! We must trust that God gives us exactly the right mix each day. One thing we can be certain is in our scoop each day is joy. He fills us with joy each day. Is your life reflecting that joy? Is it simmering in your heart, permeating every area of your life?
Nehemiah 12:43 God gave the people great joy. He gave it. It is not a natural human response to have joy. It only comes from God. The desires of our heart won't bring us joy. It's normal to think that having a baby or another baby, or _____ will bring joy - and there would undoubtedly be joy within those experiences. But true joy only comes from God - not from circumstances.
Esther 9:20-22 Mordecai encouraged the people to not forget what God had done (delivered them from Haman's evil plan), when their "sorrow was turned into joy and their mourning into a day of celebration." Joy and pain go hand in hand. They are two sides of the same coin. Without pain, we won't recognize the joy that comes. And when joy comes we only appreciate it by also remembering the pain. The are inseparable. God will flip the coin for you and show you the joy...but the pain side will always be right there. That's not a depressing thought! It goes along with October's theme of remembering.
Psalm 66 We are told to shout with joy, sing with praise. Sometimes we become so short-sighted and can't see all God has done that is worthy of praise - and really, everything He has done is worthy of praise! We must choose to shout for joy in spite of, and in the middle of our pain. Some of the losses you've experienced are very big. They're life changing. But in light of your entire life, in light of this century, in light of all time since Adam and Eve, and in light of eternity, right now is really short.
Psalm 71:20-24 Hard times have come, but God will bring blessings. We must hang on to these promises and trust that He has a good future for us. This psalmist is trusting God even before seeing the provision or the deliverance. Even before he feels like praising, trusting, or living with joy.
Psalm 126 Those who sow in tears will reap joy. Another promise to hang on to! There are layers of joy. First is the joy given us at salvation by the Holy Spirit. Second is the joy God fills us with each day. Third is the joy given to us in times of sorrow.
Proverbs 15:30 A cheerful look brings joy to the face. Good news brings health to the bones. Are we seeking good news or dwelling on bad news? Are we giving cheerful looks and good news to others? Even if the good news is small and seems insignificant - share it! This too is a habit worth developing. Focusing on the good things in life increase physical, emotional, and spiritual health.
John 15:9-11 "...so that your joy may be complete." When we remain in Christ, it is His joy in us that we experience. He makes our joy complete - wouldn't you love to have complete joy? Our job is to obey His commands and to remain in Him. This is a daily task.
Romans 12:12 "Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer." The commentary in my Bible said that "the certainty of the Christian's hope is a cause for joy." We are certain of our eternal destination. That alone brings hope, and joy. If God did nothing for us besides save us from eternity apart from Him, we would have more than enough reason to have joy. Yet we've been abundantly blessed. This doesn't negate the losses you've experienced. But it's important to hang onto a Godly perspective.
Romans 15:13 My job is to hope and trust. God's job is to bring the joy.
1 Thessalonians 5:16-18 "Be joyful always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances. For this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus." You want to know God's will? Do these three things. Sure, we'd like it to be more clear, more descriptive of our actual life happenings. But this is what God chooses to tell us.
Hebrews 12:1-3 Jesus...for the joy before Him...endured the Cross. This really stood out to me. Jesus found joy even in the terrible suffering of the cross because of joy - the joy of bringing eternal life to all of us. His eternal perspective was so firmly intact that He chose to endure the pain. His joy did not take away the pain, but made it worthwhile. Surely if Jesus could do that for us, we can choose to have joy in the midst of our trials.
Christmas is often a time that many find it hard to express joy, especially when also suffering a loss. It can be very difficult to rejoice with those who are sharing good things happening in their lives when you feel the good things have passed right over you. But others are called to find joy just as we are, so we must not rain on their parade. Yes, they are called to mourn with those who mourn. But we're all called to joy. And there is joy present in each situation for the Christian. It is promised. We can choose to practice it and reap its benefits.
Merry Christmas! Each one of you are a cherished treasure. While we would rather have met under different circumstances, we are so thankful and full of joy that you are in our lives!
1 Chronicles 16:27 Joy is in His dwelling place. We are called to be in His place. If we are in a joyless place, we can be sure we're not dwelling with God.
Joy and happiness are not synonyms. They cannot accurately be used interchangeably. True joy can only be experienced by Christians, as joy is a fruit of the Spirit and a gift from God. Happiness is determined by the happenings in our lives, and can change at a moment's notice. We can be unhappy, disappointed, etc, yet still have joy from God.
Galatians 5:22 Joy is a fruit of th Spirit. Just as we were given love, peace, patience...self control, we were given joy at the time of accepting Christ as our Lord and Savior. We are promised to have joy. But as with the other eight characteristics, we must choose to daily put on that joy, choose to exercise it. For example, we've been given self control, but often choose to eat one more cookie, say the mean thing on the tip of our tongue, etc. Self control must be exercised. Joy also must be exercised. It is a decision whether or not to practice having joy. It's ok that it doesn't feel natural! That's why it is a fruit of the SPIRIT and not a fruit of the flesh.
Ezra 6:22 The Lord filled the people with joy. It reminds me of an example I used at a Bible study years ago. Picture a huge bowl of popcorn, pretzels, nuts, raisins, m&ms, granola, butterscotch chips, etc. If you were handed the bowl, you'd likely pick out your favorite pieces and eat them. But if you were required to finish off the bowl, you'd probably not enjoy the last several handfuls. Imagine that God has a similar bowl containing everything He has chosen and ordained for your life. Each day He carefully and thoughtfully scoops one serving from your bowl and gives it to you. If you could choose what would go in that scoop each day you'd avoid the hard situations, the losses, the disappointment. But then the latter part of your life would be completely miserable and void of any good things! We must trust that God gives us exactly the right mix each day. One thing we can be certain is in our scoop each day is joy. He fills us with joy each day. Is your life reflecting that joy? Is it simmering in your heart, permeating every area of your life?
Nehemiah 12:43 God gave the people great joy. He gave it. It is not a natural human response to have joy. It only comes from God. The desires of our heart won't bring us joy. It's normal to think that having a baby or another baby, or _____ will bring joy - and there would undoubtedly be joy within those experiences. But true joy only comes from God - not from circumstances.
Esther 9:20-22 Mordecai encouraged the people to not forget what God had done (delivered them from Haman's evil plan), when their "sorrow was turned into joy and their mourning into a day of celebration." Joy and pain go hand in hand. They are two sides of the same coin. Without pain, we won't recognize the joy that comes. And when joy comes we only appreciate it by also remembering the pain. The are inseparable. God will flip the coin for you and show you the joy...but the pain side will always be right there. That's not a depressing thought! It goes along with October's theme of remembering.
Psalm 66 We are told to shout with joy, sing with praise. Sometimes we become so short-sighted and can't see all God has done that is worthy of praise - and really, everything He has done is worthy of praise! We must choose to shout for joy in spite of, and in the middle of our pain. Some of the losses you've experienced are very big. They're life changing. But in light of your entire life, in light of this century, in light of all time since Adam and Eve, and in light of eternity, right now is really short.
Psalm 71:20-24 Hard times have come, but God will bring blessings. We must hang on to these promises and trust that He has a good future for us. This psalmist is trusting God even before seeing the provision or the deliverance. Even before he feels like praising, trusting, or living with joy.
Psalm 126 Those who sow in tears will reap joy. Another promise to hang on to! There are layers of joy. First is the joy given us at salvation by the Holy Spirit. Second is the joy God fills us with each day. Third is the joy given to us in times of sorrow.
Proverbs 15:30 A cheerful look brings joy to the face. Good news brings health to the bones. Are we seeking good news or dwelling on bad news? Are we giving cheerful looks and good news to others? Even if the good news is small and seems insignificant - share it! This too is a habit worth developing. Focusing on the good things in life increase physical, emotional, and spiritual health.
John 15:9-11 "...so that your joy may be complete." When we remain in Christ, it is His joy in us that we experience. He makes our joy complete - wouldn't you love to have complete joy? Our job is to obey His commands and to remain in Him. This is a daily task.
Romans 12:12 "Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer." The commentary in my Bible said that "the certainty of the Christian's hope is a cause for joy." We are certain of our eternal destination. That alone brings hope, and joy. If God did nothing for us besides save us from eternity apart from Him, we would have more than enough reason to have joy. Yet we've been abundantly blessed. This doesn't negate the losses you've experienced. But it's important to hang onto a Godly perspective.
Romans 15:13 My job is to hope and trust. God's job is to bring the joy.
1 Thessalonians 5:16-18 "Be joyful always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances. For this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus." You want to know God's will? Do these three things. Sure, we'd like it to be more clear, more descriptive of our actual life happenings. But this is what God chooses to tell us.
Hebrews 12:1-3 Jesus...for the joy before Him...endured the Cross. This really stood out to me. Jesus found joy even in the terrible suffering of the cross because of joy - the joy of bringing eternal life to all of us. His eternal perspective was so firmly intact that He chose to endure the pain. His joy did not take away the pain, but made it worthwhile. Surely if Jesus could do that for us, we can choose to have joy in the midst of our trials.
Christmas is often a time that many find it hard to express joy, especially when also suffering a loss. It can be very difficult to rejoice with those who are sharing good things happening in their lives when you feel the good things have passed right over you. But others are called to find joy just as we are, so we must not rain on their parade. Yes, they are called to mourn with those who mourn. But we're all called to joy. And there is joy present in each situation for the Christian. It is promised. We can choose to practice it and reap its benefits.
Merry Christmas! Each one of you are a cherished treasure. While we would rather have met under different circumstances, we are so thankful and full of joy that you are in our lives!
November gathering - Give Thanks in Everything?
Thanksgiving is just around the corner...a time of mixed emotions for many people. We're commanded to give thanks in all circumstances. Was He serious when He said that? Surely He didn't overlook some of the enormously difficult situations some of you have faced or are facing, right? Yet hidden within each of God's commands are precious blessings and promises, and a way to obey we might not realize at first glance. Don't worry, I'm not going to tell you to gush with thanksgiving over a loss. That's not what it means. :)
Jesus ‘did not consider equality with God something to be grasped,’ and chose always to make Himself ‘nothing,’ to be perfectly obedient and submissive to His Father, even unto death – death on the Cross (Phil 2:6-8).
*have I chosen utter dependence upon God? If I depend on Him for everything, being thankful is all but automatic
In John 5, when Jesus healed the man at Bethesda, He required the man to pick up him mat and walk. The man had to take responsibility and take action or he never would have realized the healing that had taken place.
*until we reach the end of ourselves, we cannot fully realize His promise to sustain us, to provide for us, to meet all of our needs, or to be strength when we are weak. As long as we continue striving to take care of these things ourselves, we’ll be in the way and cannot see God work.
*Philiippians 4:19 And my God will meet all your needs according to his glorious riches in Christ Jesus.
*That’s a promise – He WILL meet ALL your needs. Will you believe this even when your circumstances seem to indicate otherwise?
When God calls you to a seemingly impossible task, your job is to give Him what you have. He’ll do the rest. (Example of feeding the 5000 from 5 loaves and 2 fish). We’re called to be thankful in everything. That seems impossible, right? But because God called us to do it, with Him it IS possible.
1 Thessalonian 5:18 says “Give thanks in all circimstances…” It does not say to give thanks for the circumstances. We are not expected to give thanks for the loss of a much wanted baby. If God commands us to find something worthy of being thankful for in the midst of that loss, He will enable us.
*Here's another reason: His love is unfailing. You won't find better than that anywhere.
Mark 8:7
They had a few small fish as well; he gave thanks for them also and told the disciples to distribute them.
They had a few small fish as well; he gave thanks for them also and told the disciples to distribute them.
*Jesus gave us this example to follow. He gave thanks for the little He had, and trusted God with the result. He didn't grumble or insist that the disciples find more food. He just gave thanks for what He had and went from there. If we're not thankful for little, what makes us think we'll be thankful for much?
Ephesians 5:19-21
Speak to one another with psalms, hymns and spiritual songs. Sing and make music in your heart to the Lord, always giving thanks to God the Father for everything, in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ.
*ALWAYS giving thanks. If you look hard enough, or look outside of your own situation, you will find plenty of reasons to give thanks. This is a command, and you can be certain that God's blessings follow obedience in this command as with all others.
Philippians 4:6
Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.
Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.
*Command: do not be anxious. About ANYTHING! What to do when you're anxious - pray, give thanks, ask God. Amy shared her "formula" for applying this verse. Have you prayed? Have you really talked to God about this? Have you given thanksgiving? For what things? And have you specifically asked God to intervene?
1 Thessalonians 5:16-18 Be joyful always; pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus.
*This is not an easy verse to flesh out. But whenever God calls, He equips. He has called us to obey, to be joyful, to pray, to give thanks. So we are guaranteed that He will help us do these things. It's not a natural human response. It's supernatural.
When we look at the Psalms we see that the psalmists were honest. They are dramatic and transparent in their laments. But inevitably, the vast majority of the psalms turn a corner. When we cry out to God, He hears us then reminds us of what is worthy of praise. (Note: the circumstances do not change in the psalms. The person writing the psalm changes.) If we were to write a psalm of our current struggles, what would the second half of your psalm read like? Go ahead and try it! Write down or cry out your first half. List everything that is hard, disappointing, crushing, wrong, unfair and unjust. Then...take a deep breath and choose to remember God's promises, His faithfulness, His past provision, and the blessings you can count on that are coming. The first half of your psalm is still there, but now it is in perspective of the truth of the second half.
In these holidays when you are pressured to put on a ‘happy face’ it is best to be honest with God and ask Him to strengthen you with the truth of the Bible. There is much to be thankful for – while being transparent in our pain.
October gathering notes
In October our theme was on remembering. Many parents mention being afraid that their babies will be forgotten as time goes on. Sometimes they almost make themselves stay in grief to honor their babies. Yet we have been promised abundant life, so it has to be possible to remember and move on at the same time.
"Remember" is used 233 times in the Bible (NIV). Remembering is obviously very important to God!
Genesis 9:15-16 God will remember His covenant not to flood the entire earth. His sign - the rainbow. God made a covenant with Noah, and later with Moses. The covenant with Moses was broken by the people repeatedly, yet God did not forget His part. He remembered and stayed true to His word.
Exodus 17:8-16 The Amalekites were defeated by Joshua. Joshua was told to write it down so he would not forget. Isn't it easy to forget how God delivered us in the past when a new difficulty comes up in our lives? Write it down, tell you friends, figure out a way to remember. Seeing a pattern of His provision and deliverance will help next time you wonder if He's able to take care of a situation.
Leviticus 26:40-45 God WILL remember His covenant with Jacob, Isaac, Abraham, etc. Again, the people forget, disobey, etc., but God does not, will not, and cannot change. He will keep His covenant. He remembers.
Deuteronomy 5:15 We are told to remember the Sabbath - a day set apart. We are to remember how God delivered His people from Egypt. Reread that story...if it was not in the Bible I'd doubt if it was even true! God's ways are so far above our ways. If He can deliver slaves from a powerful king, surely He can deliver us from our situations of despair.
Esther 9:26-28 The people were told to celebrate two days every year, to remember how God, through Esther, saved the Jews from destruction.
Psalm 77 Affliction...pain...but I will (choose to) remember God's miracles, mighty deeds, etc. In the midst of hard times we are called to remember His goodness. After all, He doesn't change, so we can count on His goodness to reign right now...even if we can't see past the pain yet.
Psalm 105:5 "Remember the wonders He has done, His miracles, and the judgments He has pronounced."
Psalm 111:4-5 He causes us to remember His goodness; He remembers His covenant forever. If you're struggling to remember His goodness, ask Him - He'll help you remember.
Ezekiel 16:22-61 Even when we forget, and don't honor our promises to God, even then He will remember His promises to us.
Gospels Jesus often says to remember - remember miracles, promises, provision, etc.
Remembering God's goodness, provision, mercy, and deliverance is a great weapon against Satan's attacks. Find blessings in the midst of pain - it doesn't make you glad for the loss, just helps you gain a Godly perspective, and ultimately gives God the glory instead of the enemy.
"Remember" is used 233 times in the Bible (NIV). Remembering is obviously very important to God!
Genesis 9:15-16 God will remember His covenant not to flood the entire earth. His sign - the rainbow. God made a covenant with Noah, and later with Moses. The covenant with Moses was broken by the people repeatedly, yet God did not forget His part. He remembered and stayed true to His word.
Exodus 17:8-16 The Amalekites were defeated by Joshua. Joshua was told to write it down so he would not forget. Isn't it easy to forget how God delivered us in the past when a new difficulty comes up in our lives? Write it down, tell you friends, figure out a way to remember. Seeing a pattern of His provision and deliverance will help next time you wonder if He's able to take care of a situation.
Leviticus 26:40-45 God WILL remember His covenant with Jacob, Isaac, Abraham, etc. Again, the people forget, disobey, etc., but God does not, will not, and cannot change. He will keep His covenant. He remembers.
Deuteronomy 5:15 We are told to remember the Sabbath - a day set apart. We are to remember how God delivered His people from Egypt. Reread that story...if it was not in the Bible I'd doubt if it was even true! God's ways are so far above our ways. If He can deliver slaves from a powerful king, surely He can deliver us from our situations of despair.
Esther 9:26-28 The people were told to celebrate two days every year, to remember how God, through Esther, saved the Jews from destruction.
Psalm 77 Affliction...pain...but I will (choose to) remember God's miracles, mighty deeds, etc. In the midst of hard times we are called to remember His goodness. After all, He doesn't change, so we can count on His goodness to reign right now...even if we can't see past the pain yet.
Psalm 105:5 "Remember the wonders He has done, His miracles, and the judgments He has pronounced."
Psalm 111:4-5 He causes us to remember His goodness; He remembers His covenant forever. If you're struggling to remember His goodness, ask Him - He'll help you remember.
Ezekiel 16:22-61 Even when we forget, and don't honor our promises to God, even then He will remember His promises to us.
Gospels Jesus often says to remember - remember miracles, promises, provision, etc.
Remembering God's goodness, provision, mercy, and deliverance is a great weapon against Satan's attacks. Find blessings in the midst of pain - it doesn't make you glad for the loss, just helps you gain a Godly perspective, and ultimately gives God the glory instead of the enemy.
Friday, October 2, 2009
October gathering/National Day
Our October gathering will be Tuesday, October 13, from 7-8:30 in the Parlor. October 15th is the National Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day. We'll use the theme of remembrance for the gathering on the 13th. God has a lot to say about remembering, and I think it will bring comfort to know He does not forget - nor does He expect us to. He also does not forget His promises to us, our dreams, or our prayers, even when it seems as though they are far from His mind. Come hear how remembering, and trusting that God remembers, can impact your life in a very positive way.
Tuesday, August 11, 2009
How "Why Me?" Becomes..."Why Not?"
Our featured speaker for the July gathering was Pam Ramsey. A long-time family friend, mentor, Bible study teacher, and Christian role model to many, Pam's prayerful preparations always result in wisdom imparted to her listeners. For this blog post I will summarize her main points, as well as expound upon some of them.
She shared a quote from Catherine Martin's book Walking with the God Who Cares: "But somewhere along the way in darkness you must reach the heart of eternal perspective, God’s view, and connect with him in the depth of your pain so you can stay the course with your Lord. Nothing like the power of God in adversity. The promises of the Word of God will help you stay your course with your Lord. The canvas must remain on the easel and allow the Master artist to paint His masterpiece to display in His gallery for His glory.”
This concept of God being the artist, and each of us being a canvas really resonated with those of us in attendance. We claim to believe that God knows best, yet we try to take the paintbrush from His hands and dip it in a different color of paint, or use it to make different strokes. It is difficult to believe that a loving God would allow or even choose difficult things to enter our lives, but we must remember that we are only able to look at things from our human perspective, with our human logic. To us, 2 + 3 = 5. Always. And d comes after a, b, then c. But God even TELLS us that His ways are not our ways (Isaiah 55:8-9). Perhaps in God's economy, 2 + 3 = 8, and d comes after x, j, and then w. We do not have to understand. In fact we are told to "lean not on your own understanding" (Prov 3:5-6). We are to live the script, not write it. Display His glory on the canvas of our lives, not be an easel-bound artist.
Pam shared that when her first daughter was born, with many medical difficulties, it was tempting to ask "why me?" Yet by God's grace she instead chose to accept, and not demand that He answer her countless prayers with her answers. She learned, or perhaps practiced her skill, to trust God regardless of the circumstances. Rather than ask "why me?" she asked "what, Lord?" What do You have for me to learn in this trying time? Of course this attitude, this decision, this perspective did not take away the pain or disappointment, but it did allow Pam to continue moving forward in anticipation of the good things God was doing all around her.
Fast forward many years...Pam's older daughter miscarried as the younger daughter delivered a healthy baby. Why, God? A year later her younger daughter miscarried. Why, God? Through walking with her daughters through their losses, she realized she had not fully processed through her own tubal pregnancy years before, between the births of her daughters. A very painful season in life, no doubt, but one in which Pam and her daughters chose to lean on Jesus, trusting His plan for each of their lives. The more we trust God, the less we ask "Why me?"
God, please give us faith to deal with our circumstances. We give You permission to continue working in our lives, to paint the masterpiece of YOUR choosing.
Pam also made the point that sometimes we keep asking questions of God because we are not being still enough to listen to His answers. We get caught in the busy trap, either in action or in thought, and are not choosing to shut out all noise besides His voice. We do not allow our grief to draw us near to Him. We turn to other people and other activities instead, yet (of course) never find the comfort for which we long. We think that by staying busy we will heal, or at least deny to the point of forgetting our pain. Yet it is only through time with God - quiet, chosen, peaceful time with God - that He can heal our hearts, minds, and emotions.
Many times in grief situations, especially with miscarriage, people try to encourage us by suggesting that it is time we move on. Often their motivation is for their own comfort rather than for our best interests. However, Pam very lovingly shared with us that there is a time for moving on. A God-ordained time for moving on. That does not mean that the healing process ends, that babies are forgotten, or that the pain was unfounded to begin with. It simply recognizes that for everything there is a season. We want the season of grief to end, really, we do. Yet sometimes we seem unwilling to allow the new season of joy to begin. Back to the artist/canvas illustration - perhaps a darker color was required for a section of the background, but then it is time for lighter colors to be painted over and around the darker colors in order for the intended masterpiece to be completed. The lighter colors are only as rich as they are because of the darker colors behind them. Each season of life, each stroke of the painter's brush, is purposeful, leads to good things, and can be trusted because of WHO the painter is. If God chooses to use the canvas of your life to paint a picture that is different than the picture you would have chosen, will you continually wriggle around and argue with Him? Or will you rest on the easel, grateful to be used in ANY way by the Master, for His glory? The choice is yours, and the choice is mine.
Why me? Why not? I know who is holding the brush.
Friday, May 22, 2009
Expectations, part 2
A special thank you to the ladies who joined us tonight :)
(This is a recap of our discussion...so it's a tad lengthy.)
Think about something that you expected - today, this week, maybe several months ago, maybe even something you expected when you graduated from high school. How did you picture your life would be at this stage? I have yet to meet anyone whose life looks exactly as they expected years ago. And most people can name at least one thing that they are glad did not turn out as they had expected! Many times we can see, from the vantage point of today, how what we once hoped for was not the best for us after all. Yet other times we remain sorely disappointed.
Expectations usually refer to things we want to have happen – things we’re looking forward to. It talks about a degree of probability – the chance that a certain outcome will occur. We look to friends and family, or others at church and work, to determine what should happen to us, what is likely to happen, what we can reasonably expect.
But God is not bound by human statistics. Just because we should be able to or not be able to do or have something doesn’t mean it will or won’t happen. Sometimes things just don’t make sense to us. But we can’t expect them to always make sense to us. God never pretends that we will understand His ways. In fact, He tells us that His ways are higher than our ways.
Isaiah 55:8-9
8 "For my thoughts are not your thoughts,
neither are your ways my ways,"
declares the LORD.
9 "As the heavens are higher than the earth,
so are my ways higher than your ways
and my thoughts than your thoughts."
I find it freeing to realize and accept that my ways and thoughts do not and will not match up with God's ways and thoughts. Yes, sometimes it is frustrating, wondering why God would set life up in such a way that we cannot understand things. But in a sense it takes the pressure off of me, giving me permission to carry on with my life even though I do not understand why certain things did or did not happen.
I have been working through a Bible study by Jennifer Rothschild entitled Me, Myself, and Lies. I think I need an IV of the study continually pumping into my brain (not a perfect word picture, but you get the main idea!). The basic concept, at least so far, is that we each have a thought closet. Just as our clothes go into a closet and from that selection we clothe ourselves each day, we have a closet of sorts in our minds and hearts from which we mentally, emotionally, and spiritually clothe ourselves each day. If something is not in the closet, we cannot select it. And if one type of thing is taking up a lot of the available space, we're more likely to reach for it than a type that is scarce.
So if we choose to allow in and dwell on negative thoughts, or lies about ourselves, God, or situations, we are choosing to fill our thought closet with draining and harmful thoughts. When trials come throughout each day, and we reach into that closet, we're likely to pull out negative and destructive thoughts that we proceed to say to ourselves. And thus the downward spiral of negativity begins.
Each time something happens that we do not like - each time we are facing unmet expectations, we have two choices. We can either focus on the disappointment and enter the pattern of "this happened, and therefore I am ______ and God is ________ and there is no hope." Or we can focus on the unchangeable facts about God. At the bottom of the previous post I referenced Beth Moore's five point statement of faith (except I butchered it a little bit). Here it is:
1. God is who He says He is.
2. God can do what He says He can do.
3. I am who God says I am.
4. I can do all things through Christ.
5. God's Word is alive and active in me.
God cannot change. That is one of His glorious "limitations." He will always love us, always protect us and provide for us, always give us security, always treasure us. He will always have good plans for us, and will always care about even the smallest details of our lives - not to mention the huge issues.
Psalm 5:3 says: "In the morning, O LORD, you hear my voice; in the morning I lay my requests before you and wait in expectation."
To me this is saying that God's job is to hear my voice, while my job is to lay my requests before him...and then wait in expectation. He already knows what we hoped for and how disappointed we are. He already knows we are sad or angry. We're not telling him anything new. But until we give back to him our thoughts and feelings, we cannot be ready for Him to fill us with His peace. Being disappointed when expectations are not met does not indicate that our faith is weak. Since faith is Biblically defined as "being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see" (Hebrews 11:1), it stands to reason that faith happens only in the context of hoping and expecting. If we are so in control of our circumstances that we do not have to hope, because we have somehow guaranteed our success, there is no need for faith. Faith and expectations go hand in hand. The challenge is in figuring out how to expect without worrying, how to anticipate good things without being crushed if they do not come to pass.
How do we do that? By building a strong foundation upon God's truths. Just as in the story of the wise and foolish builders (Matthew 7:24-27), when we have a rock solid foundation, we can better withstand whatever storm may come our way. We may get wet, and we may even feel somewhat battered by the storm. But we'll still be standing when it passes (or maybe on our knees).
A friend of mine, Cathy, called tonight as I was on the way to the Glory Babies gathering. She wanted to share a story that related to expectations. I will relay it here as best as I can, but know that some of the details may be a bit off! You'll get the main points :)
Cathy and her son were watching a mother robin build a nest outside their home. For days on end she made trips back and forth, preparing this nest for eggs. Finally she finished, laid the eggs, and then sat on them. Robins are supposed to lay on their eggs for 14 days, always keeping the eggs warm and dry, until it is time for the baby birds to hatch. So for 14 days Cathy and her son watched and waited, with much anticipation. Toward the end of that 14 days it began to storm. It rained and rained, and rained some more, but that mother robin just hunkered down and continued to lay on her eggs, seeming to have little concern for the pummeling she was receiving. Finally the storms subsided. It was time for the eggs to hatch, so Cathy and her son kept watching and waiting. But nothing happened. Day 14 came and went, as did day 15 and day 16. The mother robin would leave the nest, get some food, and return, only to stare into the nest perplexed. It became apparent that the eggs were not ever going to hatch. Eventually the mother robin flew away.
Cathy and her son were disappointed - they had fully expected to watch baby birds peck through those shells. And the mother robin must have been disappointed too! She had done everything right, but still her eggs did not hatch. The storms that came were simply too much. God knew before she ever began to build her nest that the eggs would not hatch. Why did He not redirect her? Or why did He let the storm rage on for so long?
Isn't life like that sometimes? We think we know what is coming, we plan and prepare, we give it our best shot. But in the end we do not experience what we had hoped to experience. Through no fault of our own, our expectations are met with disappointment. Does that mean we were foolish to expect in the first place? No. Does that mean we misunderstood God when we felt He was calling us to make those plans and take those action steps? Not necessarily. Sometimes there are no explanations. It simply is what it is.
The enemy of our souls wants to get us into that destructive spiral. He wants us to tell ourselves that we messed up. We're not worthy of the blessing we sought. We don't deserve it. God is punishing us. God just doesn't care about us or our situation. We need to get over it and stop making a big deal out of nothing.
At the same time, though, God desires to walk with us through the debris of our unmet expectations, and show us pieces of blessings along the path, leading us to His best for our lives. Who will you choose to follow? Whose hand will you allow to guide you?
A good friend of mine shared with me several years ago that when I was desiring to change certain behaviors or reactions, with little success, that perhaps I needed another method. She explained that A + B = C. "A" is the circumstance, and "C" is our reaction or behavior. We see the Cs in life and try to change them. But what little success we may have is often short lived, as we slip back into old habits. Or perhaps we decide that if the As would only change, the Cs would go away as well. Again, though, we miss the point. We cannot control our circumstances or the people in our lives. Difficult "A" situations will happen. Period. The key is to recognize what "B" stands for. "B" represents our beliefs and our thoughts. For example, another friend mentioned that her recent request for a certain week of vacation was denied. She was very frustrated, and had to fight against having a terrible day as a result of the news. Her "C" was frustration and a bad rest of the day. Her "A" was the fact of her request being denied. She can't change the "A", and trying to change the "C" is like trying to push a car when the emergency brake is on and it's in park. However, she can choose what "B" statements take up residence in her mind and heart. Will she choose to believe that life is just so unfair, she never gets the blessings, nobody else has been denied their choice of week off - just dwelling on the injustice of it all? Or will she choose to believe that God knows what He's doing, He loves her, He alone has the right to speak into her life, and that He has a plan far above the best she can imagine? That choice will determine the "B" part of her equation, and the "B" will determine the "C" - does that make sense?
To sum it up, we can rarely change our circumstances, and it is very difficult to simply change our behaviors. But we can become aware of our beliefs and thoughts, carefully choosing what we will dwell upon. Choose what fills your thought closet. Life will rain on us. We must choose, like that robin, to hunker down and wait out the storm. And then we must choose to trust God regardless of the outcome.
I often don't understand why those torrential rains come. But I can decide to lay my requests at God's feet, wait with expectation, and exercise my faith muscles. Expectations are not bad. We cannot live on perpetual mountaintops. In fact, perpetual mountaintops are nothing more than a long road at a high elevation! Mountaintops imply valleys. We don't need to fear or dread the valleys, or waste our time on the mountains in the name of preparing for the valleys. Some of our expectations will be met. Others will not be met. Who God is, what He can do, who you are, and what you can do, all remain constant regardless of your experiences. Keep expecting. Keep requesting. Keep choosing truth. Stand on the Rock.
Sunday, May 17, 2009
Expectations, part 1
Expectations - we all have them. We expect things of ourselves, things of others, and things of God. We have ideas about how life will play out, including at just what times or stages certain things will happen.
And then they don't happen.
And then they still don't happen.
And then they still don't happen...still.
Or maybe the exact opposite happens, which can seem worse.
It can feel like someone, or Someone (God), has forgotten about us, or is even upset with us. Or perhaps we weren't destined for these good things that comprise our dreams. Or this is our thorn in the side, something to teach us to lean into God.
Yet in the midst of these unfulfilled expectations, the truths of God remain unchanged. Because, like God Himself, His truths cannot change. They hold true even when they seem to go against our reality. After all, perception is reality, so if we perceive things to be one way, regardless of how they really are, that's what we think is true. But God's ways are the best ways...period.
Holding on to His truths is possible. And it really is the only way to go. Stay tuned for some practical ways to do just that. In the meantime, stand firm. Choose to believe God is who He says He is, that you are who He says you are, and that He can do what He says He can do. (Last sentence is a partial paraphrase of someone I can't think of right now...sorry about that.)
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